Demons.
Hurt.
Pain. Fire.
Heart crushed in a vice.
Chest heavy, can’t breathe.
Empty, aching, needing. Pain.
Blistering pain.
Horrific.
Damn, it snuck up on me.
Tendrils creep into my brain and whisper lies.
Distort truth, alter reality.
Confuse me.
Alone.
No one loves me. Alone.
Unlikeable.
Make me act out.
Set myself up.
Reach out.
Then suffer with the rejection.
Then, I really am alone.
No one wants me when I’m like this.
I am painful, needy.
Unworthy, broken.
Twisted, unlovable.
Brain hurts, heart hurts.
Empty chasm in my chest where my heart should be.
Black, dark, void, cavity.
I can fight it.
I can beat this thing.
I’m okay, I’m good. I deserve to be loved.
Someday, I’ll be worth it to someone.
But it always wins.
Demon, tendrils, whispering.
Torture me.
Hurt me.
Why?
Not fair.
It hurts. It hurts so badly.
My chest is crushed.
Huge weight on the empty place where the love should be.
Nothing helps.
I will always feel like this.
Eventually, it does pass, and I can breathe.
Until the next time…

February 7, 2012