becoming me

23Feb12

Even though my kids are older now and the demands of motherhood are different than they used to be, I still spend a great deal of my time being “mom.” I’ve been a mom now for 17 years. And, partly because I was an at-home parent, it’s how I’ve been defined for a long time. Although a part of me is definitely “mom,” inside I have always been aware of the single, non-parent person I used to be.

Although many things about my life have changed in this past year, I think I would be in this place, regardless. As my children become more self-sufficient, parenting is no longer as physically demanding or time consuming. Which leaves me with spare time and also time to think.

The topic on my mind right now is me. Who am I? Who am I, really? I’m not the person I used to be before motherhood, and I’m no longer a wife or the mother of small children. And I no longer wish to define myself by the hats I wear.

I’ve noticed a tendency to look backward for clues. It’s hard to remember how I used to feel. What I used to think. What did I want to be like? Did I have hobbies? Did I want to learn to play piano or travel to Tibet? I just don’t remember. It actually doesn’t matter, though, because I’m no longer that person either.

It’s time for me to learn about the current me. What do I like to do now? How do I choose to spend my time now? What are my interests now? And what are my goals for my future?

I do have plans, I do have thoughts. I’m not truly adrift in a sea of uncertainty. I don’t yet have a tremendous amount of spare time. And my kids are still my top priority.

But this is an interesting stage of life. I’m enjoying the process of rediscovering myself. Of realizing how much I’ve learned and what I have yet to accomplish. Of finally taking the time to evaluate my needs and how to meet them. For the most part, I like the current “me.” Which is very cool. I can’t wait to see what she does with the second half of my life.



2 Responses to “becoming me”

  1. 1 Neil

    Very interesting.

    It’s seems you feel you have an inner self that is guiding you…..True?

    Neil


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