friendship and dating

24Feb12

I like meeting new people in general. A one on one conversation is the best. I don’t think I’m good at dating, though, and so far, have managed to avoid it. I thought I had met someone who I might actually be interested in, but too early in the process, as I wrote about before, I had a bout of neediness and that’s a hard thing for someone to want to get involved with. Also, the whole assault thing… I’m not exactly at my best right now. And who knows what he even wanted to begin with?

We met for a drink, as friends, and I had a great time. We asked each other lots of questions and had drinks and dinner. It was awkward at times and fun at times. Almost like a pretend date, but with none of the expectations or stress of a date.

In person, he seemed the same to me as he did in our correspondence. I like him. I have no idea what he thought of me, but he didn’t run screaming, so it couldn’t have been too bad. I really wondered though; was he attracted to me? Am I worth the “trouble?” He’s holding back for whatever reasons, some of it because he’s unsure of my mental state. I don’t take it personally, and I do think he has reason to feel trepidation. But it did make it hard to get a bead on what he thinks of me.

There are so many ways each new “relationship” can go. Casual friends, good friends, acquaintances, nothing, dating, lovers. Unless lightening strikes, you have to wade through it and find the places where you do and don’t fit, and either let the person in or not. Each of us has our own lives and the dance to potentially accommodate any type of new relationship takes a lot of things into account.

Lightening didn’t strike for me, but I do like him, but I’m not committed to a certain way it needs to go. Flexible isn’t something I’m too familiar with, but I like it. I don’t like the feeling that I screwed up and now have to be on my best behavior, and that’s not what I’m doing, but it’s tough to not want to go there. I’m trying-on being an adult, and being myself. Ultimately, that’s what I’ll end up being down the line anyway, so why not be honest so everyone can make informed decisions?

When it comes right down to it though, I think I’d already know if he like-likes me. He’s polite, he listens, he talks, and he did invite me for a drink so we could get to know each other, but I’m not feeling the love. I keep being reminded of the movie He’s Just Not That into You. As a former “stalker” type, I used to try to make myself more desirable, more available, like the main female character. I know for a fact that doesn’t work. So I’m mentally kicking-back and watching to see what he really does. Not what I interpret his behavior to mean, but what he really does.

Someone very dear to me said today that my bar for ‘how much attention a man pays to me is enough’ is set pretty low. I’m inclined to agree. And I did realize recently that I do want a certain level of support in my relationships. An appropriate level; neither taking care of me, nor throwing up a wall so I don’t ask for anything.

These questions apply to all of my relationships. It’s not all about this one man. Of course not.

This is the beginning of the rest of my life though, and how I approach new relationships is important. I need to be on a track that will result in positive experiences. For all involved. Especially for me.



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