smut vs my life

21Jun12

The title of my blog notwithstanding, I haven’t written much, if anything, about smut. I was thinking about this today. Well, I was thinking about smut. I enjoy reading in many genres; and when I read romance, whether or not it’s erotic, I tend to fantasize.

It stops at fantasy, though. It’s doubtful whether the hero so often portrayed in romances would be as fabulous in real life. While the fantasy of having a take-charge lover who knows what he wants and how to drive me wild sexually is marvelous, a partner who constantly makes decisions for me might not be as endearing.

Same with the smut. For example, I’m not entirely sure I’d enjoy my lover saying what a “sweet little cunt” I have. Don’t know for sure, it’s never happened to me.

Which led me to ponder other ways in which the smut I read is different from real life (well, my life.)

They ALL have huge shlongs:
I’m gonna geek out here for a sec and say that, mathematically speaking, it’s not possible for most guys to be above average. It’s just not. And, who says that a HUGE cock is so great anyway? I actually cringe when the hero pushes his massive cock into her pussy an inch at a time and they have to wait for her “slick channel” to stretch to accommodate him. Don’t think my “channel” would be slick in that situation. But that might just be me.

Men who get hard again immediately and go all night:
Um… Not to be insulting, but up again right away? That often? And, sure, once or twice, or PERHAPS three times, but 5 or 6 times a night?

Pussies that are sopping wet:
Most of the women in these stories have an awful lot of lubrication that seems to spontaneously drip out of them, soaking their panties, just from looking at these well-built, emotionally-distant, alpha males with the steely eyes and sensuous mouths. Good for them!

Cunnilingus:
I’m going to go ahead and show my age. In my day, most dudes wouldn’t. From what I hear, guys today do it regularly, and even like it. Which is very cool. In the stories I read, all of the men love it and are extremely talented, giving orgasm after orgasm to their sweeties. And they LOVE the taste and scents, describing them in positive terms: honey, nectar, sweet cream, her womanly scent, the mouth-watering scent of her arousal. I even read one where he said hers tasted like peaches. Peaches? Not complaining, just haven’t heard any of those same descriptions outside of the books.

Anal sex:
In the books, that same guy with the enormous member either shoves it right into her, or gets past the first ring slowly, lets her relax and then “fucks her ass” fast and deep. Even if it’s her first time. They don’t even always use lubrication. She, of course, always loves it and has an anal orgasm. Ooooo-kay.

Erections jutting proudly:
Really? I’ve seen erections. Plenty of ‘em. And they do tend to jut, but … proudly? I can think of plenty of wonderful adjectives and adverbs that have described those erections, but can’t say I’ve ever looked at a penis and thought it looked proud. Nope.

Noises and screaming during orgasms:
Where are all of the other people in the world? Does no one have neighbors? Thin walls? Is every orgasm a screaming orgasm for everyone but me? And, what’s with the swallowing of moans with kisses when they’re trying to be quiet? What does that even mean? And, how do they concentrate while climaxing? I make noise, but it’s not at all articulate. (Okay, maybe an “Oh, God,” sort-of chant.) But, these people shout out names, endearments, and even full sentences during sex!

The men who like to share a woman:
Where are they? I have never met any. I know they must exist, but where? Seriously. I need to know. I just do.

It’s all in good fun. I really do enjoy the stories, and the smut.

When well-written, a truly erotic passage can take me places I might not be able to go in my day-to-day life. Or, it might remind me of a place I’ve been and I really enjoy revisiting.

I don’t mind if they are unrealistic. It’s not sexy at all to read about regular people struggling to make their mortgage payments, a heroine who sweats like a racehorse, or a hero with Erectile Dysfunction.

But it’s also nice when the main characters aren’t blindingly beautiful or they have some other human quality that makes them seem real to me. I especially like to laugh. It’s great when the secondary characters intrude or make wisecracks. I get more invested in characters and situations that have an element of “that could actually happen.”

I guess it’s the blending of fantasy and “reality” that works best for me.



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